Tag: communication

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“I was here”

Graffiti-covered bathroom walls. Photo by Emma Wallace // THE CONCORDIAN

The under-appreciated art of bathroom graffiti.

“Should I break up with my boyfriend?” was scrawled on the bathroom wall in Sharpie. 

Underneath, an extensive list of pros and cons. In different inks and handwriting, others had replied: “DUMP HIM NOW!” “You deserve better!!!” and “Girl, run.”

This was all on the stall door of my CEGEP bathroom that I sometimes visited just to read the writing on the walls. I amused myself reading this make-shift discussion board, shaking my head at the man being described and nodding at the advice these helpful strangers had given. A few days later, the original scribe added a final word: “I broke up with him!”

Not long after, the entire bathroom was painted over in a coat of white paint, erasing this message chain as well as hundreds of other words and doodles. I was enraged. I have always had a fierce love for bathroom wall graffiti—I would argue that what schools might call vandalism is an art form and an important form of communication. It even has a scholarly term: latrinalia. 

Latrinalia takes on so many forms, from declarations of love and other confessions to rude messages and random thoughts. The words can also be more serious, with political messages or pleas for advice. There is a stark contrast between serious messages and nonsensical scribblings. Intricate drawings sit beside crude sketches, and the notes often flip between earnest and irreverent. Because the form is entirely anonymous, people feel comfortable revealing secrets and being honest in their beliefs, which creates an ecosystem of thoughts and feelings. 

In this sense, the graffiti becomes a communication method as an ongoing dialogue with total strangers. Messages of solidarity and camaraderie are common, and people sometimes ask for advice or start lists and tallies. 

Bathroom graffiti is nothing new, either—in Pompeii, ancient graffiti revealed insults, jokes, and slogans. In The Guardian, Chiara Wilkinson writes: “Since ancient Rome, public bathroom scrawl – or latrinalia – has proved its power to entertain and enrage as well as highlighting society’s most divisive issues.” 

It’s interesting to see which bathrooms on campus and across the city have the best graffiti. The women’s bathrooms on the third floor bathroom of the VA building and the second floor of the EV building are some of my favourites. Of course, bar bathrooms are excellent too; The Bar Le Ritz bathroom is a classic. 

Bar bathrooms are particularly special because they tend to embrace the graffiti rather than paint over it. This isn’t always the case across campus, of course. “White paint is political” declares a stairwell in the VA that is repeatedly painted over in the quest for a blank wall. The relentless erasure is especially disappointing in an arts building—so long as the messages aren’t hateful, they should be respected. Who gets to decide what is valid art and what isn’t?

It might sound stupid, but bathroom graffiti is important. It’s a reflection of what’s on people’s minds—what brings us together, what divides us. It’s collaborative but also controversial, and I would even go so far as to call it a folk art. Its longevity is a testament to its power: humans were scratching “I was here” on the bathroom wall thousands of years ago and will continue to do so for as long as there’s a bathroom wall to write on.

On that note—mere days after a coat of white paint erased my favourite bathroom graffiti, the walls were again plastered with Sharpie and pen marks. Just as they should be. 

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Concordia Student Union News

New school year, new CSU: Harley Martin as General Coordinator

Harley Martin working on upcoming projects. Photo by Emma Megelas / The Concordian

How a political science student is creating a fair and engaging CSU for Concordia students.

In the wake of a new school year, the Concordia Student Union (CSU) is starting fresh with new members on their team. Harley Martin may not be one of them since he knows his way around the CSU, but now he has a new opportunity in his hands.

Harley Martin is a history and political science student and the CSU’s new General Coordinator (GC). Last year, he was formerly the Student Life Coordinator of the CSU, until he was later appointed as the GC.

“I feel every day I’m learning new things that I wasn’t aware of before, but having a year of experience to kind of see how things work, know people, know where to look for the answers all that is really helpful,” said Martin.

Following a scandal last year with the former GC, Martin has his eyes on having a steady communication between the members, making sure no idea or issue is ignored.

“We cannot have any silos of information, so I just try and share everything with everyone like on the team,” he told The Concordian.

Martin sees a more engaging and interconnected CSU staff this year. As the GC, he makes sure that everyone on the team is doing their work, is comfortable in their environment, and has all of the information they need for their projects. It is one of the most important tasks of his job and it helps him create deeper relationships with the team.

“Everyone is really fun and does their work, but also it’s fun to hang out when we have free time and we’re sitting here for a minute. So, it has a nice feel to it which is good because you need your environment to be pleasant,” said Martin.

Hannah Jackson is an art education student and the CSU’s External Affairs and Mobilization Coordinator. She is responsible for Concordia’s external connections for the CSU’s campaigns throughout the year. During COVID-19, she did not have the chance to be as involved in Concordia life as she had thought. With school being in-person again, she can now flourish in her passion for activism at the CSU and share her craft fiercely with her supportive colleagues.

“I found myself very supported not just by [my team] signing off on what I do, but also wanting to talk to me about and giving me their ideas, so that’s been really positive so far,” said Jackson.

Tanou Bah is a sociology student and the CSU’s new Student Life Coordinator. She was previously the Social Media Coordinator and she worked alongside Martin last year. Bah admires Martin’s perseverance to have a reliable team in the new year and she continues to see that in his work ethic.

“You’re only here for a year and then you’re gone and so a lot of the projects that were started can sometimes fall through. That’s why it’s great to have Harley because he knew what was happening last year and we can continue to push for that,” said Bah.

Harley Martin has one year left at Concordia and wants to continue his involvement one last time with the CSU by doing it right. He is hoping for more student involvement this year through tabling at the Loyola and downtown campuses next week, as well as by creating a safe environment at the CSU.

Sorry to burst your bubble — the “COVID talk”

These are some points to hit when you have the COVID talk

As the Quebec government extends the province-wide curfew to curtail the COVID-19 transmission rates, it’s become increasingly important that we start engaging in the difficult conversations with ourselves and our loved ones.

“Are you being safe?” and “Did you see anyone?” isn’t enough. We need to have frank, honest and clear communication as a matter of public health and common sense.

Certain people experience a higher risk of exposure to the virus simply from their job, their household, or their context. It’s important to turn up the compassion, turn up the curiosity, and turn down the judgment. It’s your business to know the facts so you can assess what risk you’re comfortable exposing yourself to, but that’s not a free pass to look down on other people’s risk assessment.

To get a sense of safe contact, let’s talk geometry. In terms of COVID contact, the safest shape is a circle, not a line. I’ll explain.

A “COVID bubble” is a closed circle. Meaning, if you are in a bubble of three with you and your two roommates, you see each other exclusively. Otherwise, it would no longer be a closed circle, but instead a chain.

It’s also important to communicate clearly and honestly when choosing a person to bubble with. That way everyone can make an informed decision.

For example, if I live alone, and plan to see my “one person” who also lives alone, before going to see them, we need to have a conversation about exposure to make sure we’re both on the same page.

To start the discussion, try and lead with setting your goals and intentions for having this hard conversation. Something like, “I know it’s awkward, but I appreciate that we can have these hard talks. I’m hoping to get clarity about our contact levels recently so that we can make sure that it’s safe and responsible to see each other. I completely respect your decisions, and I hope you respect mine, even if it means we can’t see each other at this time. ”

Then ask questions. Keep it short and simple. Be honest.

Asking if someone is “low risk” or “being safe” is perception-based, and relies on assumptions and personal opinions. This leaves room for miscommunication as folks may define “risk” or “safety” differently.

Replace “Are you being careful?” with “Who have you seen in the last two weeks?”, “Were you wearing masks the whole time?”, “Were you 2 metres apart?”, and “Were you outside?”

Replace “Do you trust the person you saw?” with “Did you have a conversation with the person you saw?”, “What questions did you ask?”, and “What was their reply?”

Replace “Are you taking risks?” with “What is your job?”, “Do you see children who go to school?”, and “Do you see people who have children in school?”

It’s about eliminating mystery and assumption from the conversation, and normalizing the conversation. This isn’t personal, it’s practical.

This is the kind of situation that forces change, and ultimately growth. Bestselling author and therapist Lori Gottlieb says, “Change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.”

In this time, we are acquiring the skills to advocate for our own health and safety and that of others as well. We’re learning how we best receive feedback and how best to deliver it. We’re deepening our relationships with loved ones, and forging new ones as we endure this strange and complex hardship together.

This situation is forcing loss on everyone. It’s also forcing change. It’s uncomfortable, it’s scary, and it hurts. But we can choose to change for the better.

 

Graphic by Taylor Reddam

Foster connection — no, not internet connection

Can I take one moment to make a case for “nonviolent communication” in human connection?

I recently came across a method of communication that has rocked me to my core, and I think that with our needs for communication and social interaction changing, this subject is more relevant than ever. The technique is called Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, and since learning about it, I’ve had to re-examine some of my values, and especially the secure, lifelong definitions I held for communication and nonviolence both individually and strung together.

“If ‘violent’ means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate could indeed be called ‘violent communication,” according to Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, clinical psychologist, and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Think of blaming, discriminating, reacting angrily, being defensive, or judging who is ‘good or bad.’

If any of these communication pains sound familiar, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there. What’s important is that we remain open to refining our skills in listening, loving, and communicating, as we learn new ways to practice them.

Ultimately, communication comes down to getting our needs met and having our feelings heard. When someone communicates in a way that leaves you feeling judged, hurt, tricked, manipulated, or demanded of, Dr. Rosenberg hears  “Please meet this need of mine. I am hurting.”

Violent communication can be as simple as asking, “Do you love me?” to your long-time partner, who might, at that precise moment, not experience the exact feeling of love for you, but in an effort to evade emotional punishment, such as a fight, will dutifully reply, “Yes.” They may feel admiration for you, or desire in that moment, but not love. In the social context we live in, it’s likely that “No” would result in a dispute.

According to the site, “NVC is a process for creating the quality of connection out of which people more easily resolve conflicts, prevent misunderstandings, and tap into a natural generosity that happens spontaneously when relationships are positive.” It involves learning new ways of thinking, use of language, perception of power, and methods of communicating.

With an emphasis on NVC, I think it’s important that we connect with one another, especially in hard times. Social media etiquette be damned. Check in on your coworkers. Check in on acquaintances. Make peace with people. I hope we can forget about looking cool, inhibition, expectations, and anything else holding us back from just taking care of each other.

Along these lines, I can imagine these days we are all feeling a sense of stress and a lack of security. But I think now’s an important time to be generous. Just be generous. Tip service staff. Support local businesses. Be honest when giving feedback to classmates. Change your turtle’s water tank. Donate blood. Give yourself a foot massage. Be generous.

It’s also the perfect time to see what’s going on in your community. Is there a dog park near your house? Are there community services being offered in your neighbourhood? Is there a service or event going on that could use volunteers? Generosity is the language of community. Giving your time, your understanding, your skills — generously —  goes a long way, and I know this is corny as hell, but it really feels good to do.

I also think it’s time to make right where we go wrong — apologize for your mistakes, make amends, return long-borrowed items, thank people for their help. 2020 is the year. Some situations merit a meaningful reflection that brings peace without contact, maybe a bit of a letter burning session. Some situations merit meaningful communication. I think it’s up to each of us to determine for ourselves which is which.

While it can be scary to do, in order to avoid misperception, “It’s better not to rely on texting or email to heal your relationship. Do not worry too much about the words,” says Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh in his book “How to Fight,” detailing practical methods of integrating the health and understanding formed with a mindful practice in conflict resolution. He goes on, “If you are solid and at peace with yourself, your words will open the door to the heart of the other person. It might not happen right away, but the door will eventually crack open.”

When we connect to others with an awareness of our intentions, a sensitivity to our needs, and the tools to communicate those needs clearly and kindly, we set ourselves up for fulfilling and supportive connections.

Reaching out doesn’t have to be heavy or intense. It can be simple. It can be relaxed. Be friendly, and be considerate.

There are so many inventive ways to connect with your loved ones. Have fun with it. Mail your close friend a handwritten letter. E-transfer someone $5. Did I mention to donate blood? Take an online class in literally anything. Pay people back. Return what you borrow. Practice communicating from an honest and loving place.

All of this makes connection bear fruit.

 

Feature graphic by Taylor Reddam

Categories
Opinions

Aziz Ansari, welcome to the conversation

Graphic by Alexa Hawksworth.

The time has come to speak out, listen and change the discussion 

When I first read the allegations about Aziz Ansari, I was extremely disappointed. He was supposed to a good guy. A feminist. A social activist. An underdog. Yet, there he was being aggressive, inappropriate and supposedly unaware of his actions.

The allegations were written in an article titled, “I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life,” published on the website Babe on Jan. 14. After seeing Ansari with a “Time’s Up” pin at the Golden Globes, a writer using the pseudonym “Grace” was set off. She recounted a date with Ansari after meeting him at the Emmys in 2017. She wrote about how abruptly Ansari wanted to have intercourse, and how he continuously put her hands on his genitals even after she removed them.

In her story, Grace claimed Ansari ignored her “verbal and non-verbal cues” indicating how uncomfortable she was during their time together at his home. Grace wrote that she still felt pressure to perform oral sex and allowed the unbearable experience to continue.

It would be naive to retrospectively say she should have just said no and left, because the pressures Grace faced are far more hidden, insidious and complex than they appear on the surface. This situation has brought up a discussion about consent, a long overdue discussion that has exploded in our society.

To me, what Grace described is a situation that lacked consent and empathy. However, this Ansari incident is so much bigger than the technicalities of sex being consensual or not. I believe arguing about consent in this situation should not be the focus, as it is clear Grace was feeling extremely uncomfortable, based on her recollection of the experience. We should be focusing on how to communicate during sexual encounters and how to encourage women to advocate for themselves in these situations.

Through my observations, I’ve noticed there was a great deal of hesitation to label this incident as sexual assault, by both men and women. To many, this situation may be all too familiar. This may be too close to home for women as it forces them to re-label personal experiences they thought of as just bad sex. Similarly, men may hesitate to reconcile their approach and actions—they might not understand that their actions have made women uncomfortable. Others have pushed back because of a perceived dilution of what assault really looks like. I’ve realized the movements #MeToo and Time’s Up may be more complicated than I originally anticipated.

In my opinion, issues with consent and sexual assault begin because of the hypersexualization of women in society. From a young age, men and women are taught to treat the female body like a sexual object. Men are taught about the “chase” and winning girls over with effort and perseverance. In media, women are often shown as unsure in their sexual encounters, and it’s supposedly the men’s job to change their minds. Porn, social media, advertisement, music videos and countless other media perpetuate this narrative.

Although sexual assault is a multi-layered, systematic issue, I think the media presence and the culture surrounding sex has acted as a catalyst for non-consensual relationships. We need to start thinking critically about how we can improve communication between men and women during sex. If we do not also examine the male perspective of the Ansari issue, and of sexual assault in general, we won’t be able to affect complete change.

For the first time in history, we are listening to and believing women about sexual assault allegations. It’s revolutionary, and it needs to continue. But I strongly believe we must include men in this conversation too. Not just by calling them out, but by making them understand their actions. Without trying to understand the complexities on both sides, we risk staying stagnant during this discussion and progress.

What Ansari did was bad. What others did was worse, and all of this is much too common, even among the “good guys” in our society. This is an opportunity unlike any we’ve had before. Not only are we calling men out, we are calling them in. Welcome to the conversation.

Graphic by Alexa Hawksworth 

Categories
Opinions

Raising mental health awareness at Concordia

Graphics by Zeze Le Lin.

Although you may never have experienced mental health issues or suicidal thoughts, research shows that, in 2016, 22 per cent of Canadian teenagers considered suicide.

The Kids Help Phone Line collected data that indicated 46 per cent had even planned out their suicide. In 2012, suicide was ranked as the ninth leading cause of death in Canada, and according to Statistics Canada, over 4,000 people committed suicide in Canada in 2013.

In the spirit of World Suicide Prevention Day, which is on Sept. 10, we at The Concordian are pleased to let students know about the Buddy Project being launched at Concordia in the coming weeks. The project will shed light on mental health issues and give students the option to sign up online to be paired with a buddy.

The Buddy Project is an initiative founded by 19-year-old Gabby Frost in the United States. Frost’s goal to prevent suicide and raise awareness about mental health began when she was 15. She discovered that many of her friends from school and online were experiencing mental illness, and in April 2013, three girls she interacted with online posted on Twitter about contemplating suicide. That’s when Frost decided to create this project.

On their website, the Buddy Project explains the belief that pairing people with an online friend can help prevent suicide by offering people a peer-support system that might be lacking at home or in their community. According to their website, the Buddy Project mostly focuses on children, teens and young adults by “providing positivity, companionship, resources and education in order to reduce the stigma of mental illness, bullying and negativity on social media.” By putting emphasis on these factors, the project hopes to inspire people to become more compassionate, empathetic and educated about mental health.

The Buddy Project launched their “Bring BP to Your Campus” campaign in March 2017, which involves sending representatives to campuses worldwide. Throughout September, National Suicide Prevention Month, the Buddy Project will be hosted at Concordia, spreading awareness of mental health and the services offered on campus. The campaign will include activities such as sharing stories to encourage education and compassion, creating awareness videos, teaming up with other mental health awareness groups like Jack.org, and displaying posters that shed light on mental illness and mental health. The project is meant to allow students at Concordia to expand their education on mental health and to inspire them to speak up.

Although Concordia won’t be directly involved in pairing students together, the campaign encourages students—who feel they need support, who want to offer up their support or anyone who just wants to talk—to sign up on the Buddy Project website so they can be paired up online. According to Melyssa Aragona, a Buddy Project representative at Concordia, the project pairs people up primarily based on common traits, and your buddy might live anywhere around the world.

Suicide is still a big issue in our country and around the world, but there are many more steps being taken to help change that. On Aug. 27, the MTV Video Music Awards emphasized the importance of suicide prevention and mental health by discussing the suicides of singers Chester Bennington from Linkin Park and Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. The rapper Logic also performed his song, “1-800-273-8255,” which is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. According to CNN, his song drove people to the lifeline in record numbers—the lifeline saw a 50 per cent increase in callers after the performance aired.

It’s difficult to understand or relate to something you’ve never experienced, but it’s easy to take the time to learn and educate yourself on a relevant social issue. Mental health and mental illness are two prevalent issues that should constantly be discussed. The Buddy Project is just one of the ways people can help others—by listening, understanding and shedding light on suicide and mental health.

The project can allow students at Concordia to step forward and share their own experiences with mental health. It creates connections between people who need support and works towards ending the stigma around mental health issues. We at The Concordian strongly encourage students to get involved with the Buddy Project, whether it’s taking steps to better your own mental health or learning how you can help those around you.

Graphics by Zeze Le Lin

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