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Into the Blue

by Archives October 5, 2005

Summer is over. Sony’s Into the Blue is nothing but a sad attempt to prolong it. Releasing such movie at the very end of September is a terrible marketing decision. Strike one.

While diving in the Bahamas, four friends stumble across the shipwreck of a legendary cargo. As they plan their treasure hunt, they realize they might not be the only ones after the treasure that might lay at the bottom of the sea. Do you smell originality? I surely don’t.

From there, the most pathetic – and predictable – events follow. From characters spending twenty minutes underwater with a single breath to sharks uninvitedly crashing diving parties, the movie piles non-sense onto non-sense to a point where the viewers feels insulted. Strike two.

Jessica Alba and Paul Walker lead a cast of utterly untalented actors. As the female lead, Alba relies on her usual – and only – assets; we’ve seen her in stripper gear for Sin City, in a spandex outfit for Fantastic Four, and now she dons a teeny-weenie bikini to search the abysses. Clearly, the girl knows what her career relies on.

As for Paul Walker, he remains true to himself, delivering a performance that ranges from bad to laughable. He seems at ease in action sequences, but as soon as he opens his mouth… he misses the boat.

Scoot Caan and Ashley Scott – consider yourselves lucky if these names don’t ring a bell, I am actively trying to forget them – complete a cast that were obviously chosen for their looks, rather than any talent. They would be better suited to a Wal-Mart commercial than in anything requiring emotion.

On the bright side, Into the blue is definitely visually pleasing. The beaches are dreamy, the sea is nothing but inviting, making life seem almost as easy as Into the Blue’s female characters. But however curvaceous they come, no bosom or booty has ever saved a movie with such weak plot. Well, not in this kind of movie anyway. Abundant and gratuitous crotch shots seem like a vain attempt to draw the attention away from the plot… or lack thereof.

Director John Stockwell must have thought he could pull off another Blue Crush. Back in 2002, he had a hit with the somewhat not-as-bad-as-expected surfer girls flick. However, while Blue Crush had the originality to show chicks on surfboards, his new project is too much of the same.

Bottom line is, Into the Blue is a movie with so many plotholes that the entire project should have sunk. It captures all the thrill and excitement of an Ab-Roller infomercial with the emotional depth of a rock. Hormone-driven teenagers will find the result somewhat arousing, but most will feel downright sea-sick. Strike three.

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