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by Archives October 25, 2006

Cities on fire, panicking people and aggressive grandmothers; this was the scene all over the country as zombies rose out of their graves and began to beg for “that sweet, sweet brain juice” on Tuesday night.

According to our necromancy expert, Liv Ingdead, zombies can be identified by their drab clothing, lack of vocabulary and poor hygiene. However, Ingdead said not to confuse them with the Concordia journalism faculty. “That would be an insult to zombies everywhere,” she said.

According to Ingdead, the best way to survive the growing epidemic is to leave highly populated areas. She warned against socializing with the undead. “He may look like grandpa, but he’s probably just saying he is to try and pick your brain. Literally.”

At press time, authorities were still struggling to implement emergency measures to combat the epidemic. The Ministry for Highly Improbable Situations was created specifically to deal with such events as zombie attacks, a decrease in municipal taxes, or a Stanley Cup win by the Habs.

The Ministry has been looking into the zombie portfolio for some time. A representative for the Ministry announced at a press conference this morning that their main priority was to analyze the zombie threat before taking concrete action. “Are they regular zombies who will die out from a lack of nourishment,

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