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Let’s talk about sex

by Michelle Gamage October 28, 2014
Let’s talk about sex

Your anaconda don’t need none unless you got the right reason

Alright, so this column has been reasonably rah rah to liberal libidos and getting your rocks off (or not, that’s cool too) in all the right ways. But I think those guys, gals, and nonconformists who are enjoying their college experience while keeping their pants on deserve a little love too.

Here’s the thing. You don’t need to have sex in university.

Whatever your reasoning, be it religious, personal choice, or you just haven’t had the right person or opportunity come (pun) around yet: that is okay.

I’ve met far too many people so far at Concordia who did it American Pie style and threw their virginity out the window before graduating high school, or who got the dirty deed done and over with during Frosh week so they wouldn’t “stand out” as a virgin.

Two things need to be addressed here because apparently they are not clear enough.

One: getting your virginity “over and done with” is so, so not a thing.

Yes, girls’ hymens are usually broken during their first round of vaginal penetration, which leads to varying amounts of bleeding and has so been dubbed “popping the cherry.” But girls’ hymens can break (or their “cherries” can “pop”) long before sex actually happens. Dancing, gymnastics, using tampons, masturbation, horseback riding, or trauma to the vagina can pop cherries long before girls even consider penetrative sex.

If the hymen is not completely torn during the first round of intercouse (because the first time doesn’t usually last too long, amiright?), bleeding can happen more than once till the hymen is entirely torn.

But, besides popping the cherry, the first time is likely painful, weird, awkward, and weirdly painfully awkward. And the second time. And the next time after that.

Sex is sweaty, incredibly intimate, and not at all like you see in porn. And if this is your (and maybe your partner’s) first time then you will likely bump heads, fall off the bed, queef loudly, or finish with a lame, “did you cum?” And that’s not to mention potential vomiting depending on either partner’s level of intoxication. (Booze won’t make it any easier, just as a heads up.)

Just because you have had sex once does not mean you are “in” (hah, more puns), or that you are good in bed, or even that you know what you are doing. Can you say “bonjour” for me? Alright, do you officially speak French now?

Sex takes time to get a handle on, and often takes open communication and experimentation with a steady partner to even get “good” at. One dip in the pool means nothing, and virgins need to remember this when considering dropping their pants and stepping into the world of sexual activity.

Second: your sexual status is absolutely no one’s business but your own. Seriously. Nothing is more personal, or intimate to YOU than who you choose to have stuck in you/to stick in to/any of the other endless variations of sex. If a friend or partner is pressuring you to do the deed, consider this.

If you were walking down the street and you came across a dirty needle, and that same person pressured you to stick it in your arm for shits and giggles, what would you do? Because that response is the exact same one you should have if anyone pressures you to have sex. Your body is your own, and if you are not ready for the same potential exposure to STIs that the needle could carry (or pregnancy! It’s an immaculate conception needle, get over it) then you have the full right to say no.

Now let’s backtrack a bit. I’m not saying sex isn’t worth it. Sex is an amazing, fulfilling (pun), mind blowing, and healthy activity that everyone (if it’s their thing) should experience once in their lives. I’m also not saying that waiting for marriage or waiting for the elusive (and nonexistent) perfect moment to arrive is the way to go.

I’m just saying that getting your virginity “over with” is stupid, and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.

This is your body, and your choice, always.

Also, the multiple-orgasm, finish-at-the-same-time, collapse-beautifully-onto-the-bedsheets sex is so, so far away that it’s basically in China. Sorrynotsorry, it’s just something you’ll have to work towards for a long time to reach (so many puns).

Remember to use condoms, as a bare minimum, every time. Babies and STIs are a very real and scary reality, kids.

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